is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
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