got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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