Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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