Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Randomize
