Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
