I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
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