the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Randomize
