just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize