I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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