we have pet lesbian snakes
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
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