So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
