Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
