Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
Randomize
