I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
