You're a womanizer and a bitch.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
