Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
