So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
he thought i was a dude.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
My vagina is very pro this idea
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Randomize
