When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Randomize
