i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Randomize