I wish my penis had an off switch
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
