wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
