I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
