After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
smell my finger.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
