My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Randomize
