I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Randomize
