I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
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