I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Randomize
