does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
i out mim tonsoeep
Randomize
