The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Randomize
