Swine flu. Run for my life!
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
