just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
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