haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize