so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
