i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
