Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
