the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
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