i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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