3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I still have a little drunk in my system
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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