i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
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