i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
