I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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