About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Randomize
