His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
