I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize