I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Randomize
