she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Randomize
