His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
