mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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