well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize