I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
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