chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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