What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
