Whod you bang
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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