hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize
