Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
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