id be glad to
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
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