we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
even my farts smell like vagina
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
