I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
