East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
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