So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
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