this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
im on a boat
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