she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
