So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
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