I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Randomize
