I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
MIDGETS
????
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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