I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
