Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
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