Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Four minutes until I can fart!
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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