Why does Corona taste like a burp?
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Randomize