Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Randomize
