After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
