we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
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