and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
