OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Randomize
