My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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