I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
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