The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Randomize
