In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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