Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Randomize
