Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
