i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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