Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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