she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Randomize
