Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
