Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
