I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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