It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
