I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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