i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
In America we eat man semen.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
