so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Randomize
