I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
