Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
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