Whats the glycemic index on semen?
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
organizing the empties. That sober.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
