I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
