Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
