he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
tequila makes me forget i have legs
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
40s are totally the cure
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I have aggressive nipples.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
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