My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Randomize
