I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
