I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize