Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Randomize
