i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
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