do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize