I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
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