I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Randomize
